Vote for Anderson in 2056

The 2056 presidential election has been heating up over the last several months, between the Demopublican candidate Senator Paulie Takallick Oreck, from New Polis, and the Repubocrat candidate Governor Joshua Anderson, originally from Dudley, Georgia. Until tonight, the presidential debates held so far have been spirited-but-polite exchanges over all the major issues: the economy, the continuing war on terror, global cooling, and the dwindling supply of our primary fuel source, kudzuthenol. But in tonight's debate, the mood changed.

Takina Head, the moderator of this debate hosted by satellite news channel FXCNNABC, crossed a line with one of her questions, venturing into the once-taboo topic of the candidates' past associations with pastors. No reporter has dared raise a question of this type since the presidential campaign 48 years ago.

Senator Oreck received the question first, "We have the video showing the pastor of a church you once attended claiming in a sermon that Jesus did not attempt to pull everyone in society out of poverty. Do you repudiate this teaching? Will you announce publicly that you no longer want to associate with this pastor?" Senator Oreck replied with a very long, confusing, and unenlightening explanation of his view on global cooling. The reporters had no follow up questions.

Then, the question turned to Governor Anderson, "We have several podcasts of the pastor from your childhood claiming that the book of Leviticus is in fact relevant to our lives here in the 21st Century. How do you explain this mindless drivel? Have you cut off all ties from this maniac pastor?" Governor Anderson carefully explained that even though he was in the nursery at the time, his parents explained to him year after year how Leviticus helps explain the cross of Jesus Christ. This reference to Jesus Christ and the cross could be the undoing of the governor's campaign.

Sensing a chance to embarrass the governor, the bank of reporters stumbled over one another with follow up questions. "Did that preacher actually talk about Jesus?" "Did he ever claim that Jesus was God?" "Did he actually teach that God is real?" "Did he claim the virgin birth and the resurrection?" "What other whacked out miracles did he claim?" "Do you still associate with this man?"

Governor Anderson calmly answered each question, not only affirming that his former pastor made all these claims of the miraculous, but that he also taught the scandalous concept of "grace" - an illogical theory which claims that men and women can do nothing at all to merit status before God, the gods, Mother Nature, the dryads, or the secular humanist ideal. Rather, so the theory claims, God bestows favor freely, according to his own sovereignty. Acting as if he had not yet done enough damage to his own campaign, the governor further affirmed that he himself believed in such things.

Governor Anderson finished his speech with a sense of assurance which seemed to belie the fact that he had practically forfeited the election. "I don't mind you taking offense to what my pastor said," he stated, "as long as what he was doing was just preaching the pure Gospel. If that's what offends you, then I stand by him! And I hope that all who claim Christ will be equally confident to stand tall when the only offense people find in them is that they believe in Jesus Christ."

Tomorrow's poll numbers will record how much damage the governor's remarks will have on his popularity, who has enjoyed up until now a double-digit lead. What cannot be measured, however, is the effect that his comments will have on Christians across the nation and their willingness to stand strong for what they believe, no matter what the consequences.