Kids, youth, Christmas, mission, skiing, ...

We have a packed next few weeks ... and almost everything involves Betty Ann! She has been working very hard for what's coming up these next few weeks, and I encourage you to show her as much support as you can (helping out, words of encouragement, notes, participating in one of the fundraisers, and so on).

The children and youth will be teaching us the Christmas story on Sunday the 21st. I've read the script, and think that they have a very interesting story to bring to us. Also, please join us Christmas Eve at 6:00 PM for our annual Christmas Eve service. This year will be time of traditional carols and celebrating the valuable gift of God sending His Son to us.

The youth have a Christmas party / progressive dinner planned for Sunday night - thanks to all the families who have opened their homes for part of the meal.

On the 31st, many of our youth are leaving on their mission trip / ski trip. They are taking one day of their trip to pack nutritious meals for the hungry around the world, and then spending some time on the slopes for a good winter break.

As you can see, Betty Ann has her plate full! Please help lighten her load with prayer, encouragement, and helping out.

One important event outside of Betty Ann's direct leadership is the Angel Tree project. We are raising money again this Christmas to provide financial support for the teachers of the Friends of Christ orphanage in Ahero, Kenya. Please take one of the envelopes, prayerfully consider an amount to give, and then put it into the brown offering box. As money is raised, we add ornaments to the Christmas tree in the sanctuary - a bit of a reversal of our normal method of taking ornaments off of the tree as we support more.

Headship Questions, Part 4

Last week, I said that I should take a "cream puff" question about headship to give myself a break on these tough questions our men have put together. Well, so much for "cream puff" - this week's question is another doozy.

Question: If the wife takes action that is against the will of the covenant head, what should the response of the covenant head be to his wife?

This is one of the "real life" questions. The theory is understood, but in real life, things don't always go the way we studied about. In fact, things almost never go the way we study about.

Let's begin with the enormous assumption in this question - that the husband is doing a decent job of maintaining the covenant head responsibilities. If the husband is doing a miserable job upholding his role of leadership, then he has little to no right to focus on the wife failing in her role. Yes, faulty people can accurately assess what other faulty people should be doing, but in this particular case, we're talking about the covenant head, and unless he's providing some decent leadership, he forfeits his rights to insist on good follower-ship.

The wife's submission is submission to the husband's headship. (Recall our definition of submission: "A wife's submission is her commitment to the success of her husband as the covenant head.") She is responsible for this submission even when he's failing - she can be committed to his success whether or not he's committed to it. However, if the husband is failing in his role, I would say that he has no clout at all to insist on his wife fulfilling her role to submit to his non-existent leadership! She answers to the Lord for how she submits, but he of all people has no credibility to be the one to press her on the matter.

But if our assumption is correct, that the husband is doing a decent job, then we can explore what he should do when she still insists on rejecting her role to submit.

The man is instructed in Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." This does not say, "Husbands, rule over your wives," or, "Husbands, make sure your wives submit like I told them to in verse 22." The man's headship does not mean that he tries to force the wive to fulfill her role. He is told to love her, and to love her in the same way that Jesus sacrificially loves the church. He is to love her even when she's not submitting, just like the wife is to be submitted to the husband's success as the covenant head, even when he's falling down on the job.

A man must answer this tough question by asking, "How does Jesus love the church when she doesn't follow His leadership?" We know this happens, so how does Jesus, the perfect Covenant Head, handle it? He never stops loving her, He never stops advocating on her behalf before the Father, He never stops providing leadership, He never leaves her nor forsakes her (Hebrews 13:5), and He never fails to offer God's Word. In other words, when the church refuses to follow His leadership, He provides more leadership! But He never forces her to submit against her will.

There were three things we said the covenant head does, and he needs to continue doing those things when the wife rebels.

1. Stand before God on behalf of the family, and stand before the family on behalf of God. Even when she rebels, the husband must be persistent in prayer, facing God and praying on behalf of his wife. He must also lovingly, gently make sure that God's Word is clearly provided. He does not beat her over the head with the Bible, but if she is unaware of the biblical teachings, he must make it available in an appropriate way. In effect, he is facing her on behalf of God.
2. Stand in the breech between danger and his wife. A wife who rejects godly leadership is facing dangers, physical, emotional, and spiritual. It may be by her own choosing, but the husband as the covenant head must provide as much protection as he can. He doesn't need to shield her from every consequence, but he must protect her from forces that would truly harm her. He cannot shrug his shoulders and pretend like he has no responsibility for her well-being.
3. Love his wife as Christ loves the church. This is the primary, unconditional, non-negotiable absolute of being a Christian husband. Our marriages are modeled after the relationship of Christ and the church, and there is no excuse we can offer to let men off the hook from loving their wives. This love is sacrificial, which means it will cost the man to love his wife. He will pay some of the price to restore her, and he should do so willingly. It is how Christ loves the church.

I recommend that you read the book of Hosea, which is a dramatic and prophetic picture from the Old Testament of how Jesus will continue to pursue the church even when she's wayward.

Perhaps the questioner (and the reader!) wants more of a "how to" than this. What are the steps? What can I do to bring my wife around? Men should remember that they do not have the capacity to make their wives "come around." So, rather than dwell on things we cannot accomplish, focus on these principles, and let God do God's work:

• Never stop providing covenant head leadership.
• Never stop loving your wife as Christ loves the church.

Headship Questions, Part 3

NOTE: This blog allows readers to make comments. You are more than welcome to make comments on any post, so long as you are respectful. You can even post a different conclusion, if you like. I only ask that whatever anyone posts (including me), that it is an honest effort to represent Scripture and is written in a spirit of kindness.

Let me continue with the series of questions about headship that were generated at the Men's Retreat. If you've missed parts 1 and 2, then scroll down or look in the archives to find those questions and answers.

The next questions is a toughie! If as covenant head I do everything to guard against danger and instruct the Word of God and my family still chooses to not follow the way they should, will God hold their disobedience against me?

This question arises from two theological thoughts that seem to be at odds with one another. One the one hand, we said in our series that the man stands before God doubly accountable - he is accountable for himself, as are all people, but as the Covenant Head, he is also accountable for the family. On the other hand, from what we know of God, it doesn't seem right to hold someone accountable for someone else's sin, especially if that person does everything he can to be a godly influence in the other person's life. These two ideas seem to conflict, and so we have an excellent, perceptive question.

My first reaction is to say, "Oh, no, God won't hold you accountable if you've done everything you can." That only seems fair and right.

But I have two problems with this response. First, it seems to unravel the entire idea of being doubly accountable, which is the foundation of our headship model. It certainly doesn't pack any punch to say that the man is doubly accountable for himself and the family ... as long as the family does well. That lacks any kind of significance.

Second, this answer doesn't fit with the example we've chosen to understand the principles of headship, namely Moses up on the mountain while the people of Israel committed the sin of the golden calf. Moses was not only completely innocent of the sin of the golden calf, but he was also occupied doing the exact thing God needed him to do in order to be the Covenant Head - he was up on the mountain to receive the Ten Commandments. You can't find a better model for our question: If as covenant head I do everything to guard against danger and instruct the Word of God and my family still chooses to not follow the way they should, will God hold their disobedience against me?

Moses was certainly doing everything he was supposed to do to guard and instruct, and they still chose to follow a different path (with Aaron, the "substitute Covenant Head", allowed them to do). And yet, Moses was still held accountable for the covenant group. God called on Moses to answer for them.

But, notice something very important in this story (Exodus 32). God laid the situation before Moses, starting in verse 7. In verse 10, God gives Moses an option: "Leave me alone, so that my anger may burn against them and I can destroy them." As we discussed in the series, God was putting before Moses two options: leave him alone (in other words, fail to stand up as the Covenant Head), or the second option, which was implied, don't leave him alone (in other words, stand up as the Covenant Head and intercede on behalf of the covenant group).

Moses was accountable for their sin, but God's offer was to mete out the punishment where the punishment was due - on the people, not Moses. As the Covenant Head, Moses would not pay the price of their sin, but he still was the one who was accountable to God - he answered to God even though they were the ones who sinned. Moses' did not say, "I've got nuthin' to do with this." Instead, he chose to be the Covenant Head and stand before God to represent the sinful people, advocating on their behalf (which he does starting in verse 31).

God will not make the Covenant Head pay for the sin of the family - each person is accountable to God for his own sin. But the Covenant Head is accountable in the sense that his responsibility is to advocate to God on behalf of the family and to advocate to the family on behalf of God. If they sin and he's perfectly innocent, he's not off the hook. He still has a seriously important responsibility to intercede, teach, lead, pray for, guide, coach, and correct. He has that unique set of responsibilities as the Covenant Head.

Also consider Christ as the Covenant Head. In this case, the Covenant Head did in fact pay the price of the sins of the covenant group. He was completely innocent. He had given us more than enough instruction and guidance. And yet we, the human race, still "did not follow the way that we should." And Jesus was the one accountable to God for our sin. In this case, the Covenant Head paid the price himself! But, of course, he chose to do so voluntarily. That's what's so amazing about this covenant!

So, men, you are not off the hook for the family's sin, even when you've done absolutely everything to be the Covenant Head (although, I seriously doubt a husband ever did absolutely everything he could to lead his family). That doesn't mean you pay for their sin, but it does mean you have a holy obligation before God when the family sins, even though you are virtually innocent.

This means that when the family sins, a real Covenant Head doesn't say, "I've got nuthin' to do with this." A real Covenant Head says, "I will stand."

Maybe in the next blog I'll pick a cream puff question to give myself a break!