Headship Questions, Part 4

Last week, I said that I should take a "cream puff" question about headship to give myself a break on these tough questions our men have put together. Well, so much for "cream puff" - this week's question is another doozy.

Question: If the wife takes action that is against the will of the covenant head, what should the response of the covenant head be to his wife?

This is one of the "real life" questions. The theory is understood, but in real life, things don't always go the way we studied about. In fact, things almost never go the way we study about.

Let's begin with the enormous assumption in this question - that the husband is doing a decent job of maintaining the covenant head responsibilities. If the husband is doing a miserable job upholding his role of leadership, then he has little to no right to focus on the wife failing in her role. Yes, faulty people can accurately assess what other faulty people should be doing, but in this particular case, we're talking about the covenant head, and unless he's providing some decent leadership, he forfeits his rights to insist on good follower-ship.

The wife's submission is submission to the husband's headship. (Recall our definition of submission: "A wife's submission is her commitment to the success of her husband as the covenant head.") She is responsible for this submission even when he's failing - she can be committed to his success whether or not he's committed to it. However, if the husband is failing in his role, I would say that he has no clout at all to insist on his wife fulfilling her role to submit to his non-existent leadership! She answers to the Lord for how she submits, but he of all people has no credibility to be the one to press her on the matter.

But if our assumption is correct, that the husband is doing a decent job, then we can explore what he should do when she still insists on rejecting her role to submit.

The man is instructed in Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her." This does not say, "Husbands, rule over your wives," or, "Husbands, make sure your wives submit like I told them to in verse 22." The man's headship does not mean that he tries to force the wive to fulfill her role. He is told to love her, and to love her in the same way that Jesus sacrificially loves the church. He is to love her even when she's not submitting, just like the wife is to be submitted to the husband's success as the covenant head, even when he's falling down on the job.

A man must answer this tough question by asking, "How does Jesus love the church when she doesn't follow His leadership?" We know this happens, so how does Jesus, the perfect Covenant Head, handle it? He never stops loving her, He never stops advocating on her behalf before the Father, He never stops providing leadership, He never leaves her nor forsakes her (Hebrews 13:5), and He never fails to offer God's Word. In other words, when the church refuses to follow His leadership, He provides more leadership! But He never forces her to submit against her will.

There were three things we said the covenant head does, and he needs to continue doing those things when the wife rebels.

1. Stand before God on behalf of the family, and stand before the family on behalf of God. Even when she rebels, the husband must be persistent in prayer, facing God and praying on behalf of his wife. He must also lovingly, gently make sure that God's Word is clearly provided. He does not beat her over the head with the Bible, but if she is unaware of the biblical teachings, he must make it available in an appropriate way. In effect, he is facing her on behalf of God.
2. Stand in the breech between danger and his wife. A wife who rejects godly leadership is facing dangers, physical, emotional, and spiritual. It may be by her own choosing, but the husband as the covenant head must provide as much protection as he can. He doesn't need to shield her from every consequence, but he must protect her from forces that would truly harm her. He cannot shrug his shoulders and pretend like he has no responsibility for her well-being.
3. Love his wife as Christ loves the church. This is the primary, unconditional, non-negotiable absolute of being a Christian husband. Our marriages are modeled after the relationship of Christ and the church, and there is no excuse we can offer to let men off the hook from loving their wives. This love is sacrificial, which means it will cost the man to love his wife. He will pay some of the price to restore her, and he should do so willingly. It is how Christ loves the church.

I recommend that you read the book of Hosea, which is a dramatic and prophetic picture from the Old Testament of how Jesus will continue to pursue the church even when she's wayward.

Perhaps the questioner (and the reader!) wants more of a "how to" than this. What are the steps? What can I do to bring my wife around? Men should remember that they do not have the capacity to make their wives "come around." So, rather than dwell on things we cannot accomplish, focus on these principles, and let God do God's work:

• Never stop providing covenant head leadership.
• Never stop loving your wife as Christ loves the church.

Showing That God Exists Without Using the Bible

The Youth have been studying the book of Acts on Wednesday nights, seeing over and over again how much believers can accomplish when they just have confidence that God's Word is true and that the Holy Spirit will actively build the Church. This week, we were in the second part of chapter 17, where Paul is in Athens (the other Athens) engaging the philosophers on Mars Hill (also called the "Areopagus"). Paul knew that his normal message of how Jesus is the Messiah anticipated in the Old Testament would not work on these philosophers who knew little to nothing about the Old Testament. Instead, Paul preaches the same Gospel, but in a completely different way - in a way that did not refer to the Old Testament at all.

Discussing this passage, the students thought about ways to present the Gospel today without referring to the Bible specifically - which we need to know how to do in an age when the Bible is not universally regarded. There have been volumes written on how to do this - there are even writings from before Christ on how to demonstrate that God exists without using the Scriptures as proof.

Below is a quick summary of one such argument. Space does not allow a full explanation of this approach, but a summary will still give you a good idea of how the argument goes. Just like Paul's approach in Athens 2000 years ago, the approach starts with statements that the audience will readily agree with. Each step, however, should be discussed in much more detail when sharing this with others.

1. Everything that has a beginning has a cause.
2. The universe has a beginning.
3. Therefore, the universe has a cause.
4. At the beginning of the universe, matter, energy and time also began.
5. Therefore, the cause of the universe cannot be comprised of matter or energy, and cannot be bound within time.
6. The universe bears evidence of design (this statement needs a lot of explanation for skeptics)
7. Therefore, the cause of the universe must be intelligent.
8. The existence of the universe is not necessary (it could have been the case that the universe never came into existence).
9. Therefore, the cause of the universe must have a will.
10. The universe exhibits beauty (ahthough beauty is subjective and could be accidental).
11. Therefore, it is likely that the cause of the universe appreciates beauty.
12. Since the cause of the universe has intelligence, a will, and likely emotions, the cause of the universe is a Being with personhood.
13. Also from evidence of the universe, we can discern that this Being is very powerful (or even omnipotent), very large (or even omnipresent), and very intelligent (or even omniscient).

So far, we have established that a Being (whom we can call "God") exists. We haven't proven it beyond all possible doubt, but at least we have shown that believe in the existence of God is rational. We have not shown, however, anything about Jesus or His Gospel.

1. The universe is finely tuned to allow life to exist (there is a lot of evidence to support this, which may be necessary to reference).
2. Therefore, God demonstrates care and concern for living creatures.
3. The basic human condition includes struggles with the existence of evil and the reality of death.
4. The nature of the universe suggests that God would be aware of man's basic condition, and furthermore, would have care and concern for it.
5. Question: Based on what we can tell about God from the universe, would you think that He would be the kind of God who would do nothing about man's basic condition, or would He be the kind of God who would do something? (If they say "nothing", then you may have to continue on the assumption that He would do something.)
6. Explore the major world religions with the one you're talking to and openly discuss which of these most effectively deals with man's basic condition. (Christianity is the only religion that offers a complete solution that fits with all we've discussed so far.)

If you can successfully walk someone through to this point, then the next step is crucial. People won't likely believe in Christ because they feel worked into a philosophical corner. So, we don't want to badger them into trying to make a decision. Simply tell them, "All we've done so far is to show that belief in Jesus is rational. So, let's conduct a spiritual experiment. Live life for the next month on the assumption that this is all true - just as an experiment. Do everything under the assumption that Jesus is who the Bible claims - follow the ways of righteousness, pray (even if you're praying to a God you don't fully believe in, yet), confess and repent, and so on. Experimentally live as you would if you knew for sure all this was true - and then after a month, assess whether or not you want to seriously explore the claims of Christ."

This is a lot fo information, and I don't expect you to absorb all of it at once. Rather, save this article and become familiar with the basic points, and when you find opportunities, explore one or two items with someone in conversation. When you become more and more familiar with the concepts, you'll find that you can talk with people about the God who exists without being preachy or pushy.

(Thanks to Dr. Doug Geivett for the idea of the "spiritual experiment".)